Megan's 13 Reasons Why Sweatpants Girl Should Date Hairball

Dear Cinderella,

We have been looking for you.

Letter to Cinderella

It has been almost a week now, and our search for you has led to nothing but disappointment and failure. We are starting to lose hope.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Megan. I am the wing woman that failed. The best friend of Hairball that should have gotten your name that night at the bar. I am the sidekick that cowardly disappeared into the restroom instead of saving the day, or in this case, the night.

It is my fault that this potential love story of Beauty and the Beast has been driven to (what Lady Gaga would call) a Bad Romance.

In my utmost sorrow, I have decided to step up and do what I should have done that night at the bar. Hype up Hairball and make you fall in love with him.

I have created a list for you. A list of nothing but true facts.

13 Reasons to Date Hairball

13 Reasons Why You Should Date Hairball

Proof of Hairball hard at work. (You can see his house when you come over for dinner)
Proof of Hairball hard at work. (You can see his house when you come over for dinner)
13
He's Not A Bum
Just because he has a fluffy beard and wears the same pants every other day does not mean he's a bum. That's just his style. Hairball is a hard-working man with a great job at the radio station and a house all to himself.
Proof That Hairball Plays Bass
Proof That Hairball Plays Bass
12
He's In A Band
Hairball is a bass player in the Ariel McReynolds Band. Not only does that mean he is great with his fingers... instrumentally, but as a bass player, he will never take the spotlight away from you.
That's a name you'll want to scream.
That's a name you'll want to scream.
11
His Real Name Is Zac
Hot right?
Hairball is the more famous celebrity in this pic.
Hairball is the more famous celebrity in this pic.
10
He Knows Everything and Everyone
Hairball is the friendly guy that knows everyone and the smart guy that knows everything! Flat tire? Don't worry, Hairball knows a guy. What day did Columbus sail the ocean? No need to google it, Hairball knows it was a Wednesday Afternoon August 3rd, in 1492.
Hairball wearing matching jammies with his friend Parker. (Parker may or may not be included when you date Hairball)
Hairball wearing matching jammies with his friend Parker. (Parker may or may not be included when you date Hairball)
9
He Will Wear Matching Pajamas With You
No matter how big the pajama pants may be, he will match clothes with you whenever you want!
Hairball is the better looking one in this photo.
Hairball is the better looking one in this photo.
8
He Looks Great Without A Shirt
'Nuf said.
Tommy Lee who?
Tommy Lee who?
7
He Has A Really Big....Personality
Hairball has an amazing and funny personality that makes everyone laugh. His quirky jokes and charming wit bring light to any situation. He's the life of the party, always providing endless entertainment with his clever and outlandish stories. Not only does Hairball make everyone in the room double over with laughter, he always brings out the funniest in everyone. Hairball has the unique ability to find humor in any situation, he will always keep you smiling.
As you can see, he has quite the dump truck.
As you can see, he has quite the dump truck.
6
He's A Great Dancer
Okay, so maybe country line dancing isn't his style... But watch this video. He's actually really good.
Just look at this cutie pie.
Just look at this cutie pie.
5
He Is A Romancer
GGGIIIIIRRRRLLLLLL! YOU AIN'T EVER HAD ANYTHING LIKE THIS!
Hairball is the type of guy to bring you flowers every Monday. The type to build a picnic for you in the park. The type to have a great relationship with every member of your family. I could go on and on about all the romantic gestures he would do for you, but I don't want to spoil his surprises. *winky face* Just know, finding a man like this is nearly impossible.
True Story: Growing up, Hairball would take flowers to all the single/divorced/widowed old ladies that lived in his neighborhood. HOW FREAKIN SWEET!
Yeah that's right... He opened up for Hairball the band . Sexy right?
Yeah that's right... He opened up for Hairball the band . Sexy right?
4
He Wont Wear Your Skin
There is nothing suspicious or creepy about Hairball. (If there was I wouldn't make this list) I just want to let you know, woman to woman, you have nothing to fear when Hairball is near.
Loved by everyone.
Loved by everyone.
3
He's Great With Kids, Pets, and Eldery
(And Potentially You)
Like I said. An all-around great guy.
The food looks yummy and so does he.
The food looks yummy and so does he.
2
He Is Easy To Feed
No need to worry about cooking, allergic reactions, or learning his favorite foods. This man will eat anything.
Even the pizza smiles when it sees Hairball.
Even the pizza smiles when it sees Hairball.
1
Husband Material
And Desperate
Hairball isn't like any other guy - he's not the "Netflix and Chill" type that you need to avoid like the plague! Instead, he's an absolute keeper; he's husband material, so if you want a partner you can rely on, look no further! Hairball will love you with all his heart and soul - don't settle for anything less!
Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks?
Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks?
Bonus
Just In Case...
Here is a picture of Hairball as a baby, just in case you need more convincing.

Megan’s 13 Reasons Why Sweatpants Girl Should Date Hairball

13 Reasons Why You Should Date Hairball