Megan’s 13 Reasons Why Sweatpants Girl Should Date Hairball
We have been looking for you.
It has been almost a week now, and our search for you has led to nothing but disappointment and failure. We are starting to lose hope.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Megan. I am the wing woman that failed. The best friend of Hairball that should have gotten your name that night at the bar. I am the sidekick that cowardly disappeared into the restroom instead of saving the day, or in this case, the night.
It is my fault that this potential love story of Beauty and the Beast has been driven to (what Lady Gaga would call) a Bad Romance.
In my utmost sorrow, I have decided to step up and do what I should have done that night at the bar. Hype up Hairball and make you fall in love with him.
I have created a list for you. A list of nothing but true facts.
13 Reasons Why You Should Date Hairball
Just because he has a fluffy beard and wears the same pants every other day does not mean he's a bum. That's just his style. Hairball is a hard-working man with a great job at the radio station and a house all to himself.
Hairball is a bass player in the Ariel McReynolds Band. Not only does that mean he is great with his fingers... instrumentally, but as a bass player, he will never take the spotlight away from you.
Hairball is the friendly guy that knows everyone and the smart guy that knows everything! Flat tire? Don't worry, Hairball knows a guy. What day did Columbus sail the ocean? No need to google it, Hairball knows it was a Wednesday Afternoon August 3rd, in 1492.
No matter how big the pajama pants may be, he will match clothes with you whenever you want!
Hairball has an amazing and funny personality that makes everyone laugh. His quirky jokes and charming wit bring light to any situation. He's the life of the party, always providing endless entertainment with his clever and outlandish stories. Not only does Hairball make everyone in the room double over with laughter, he always brings out the funniest in everyone. Hairball has the unique ability to find humor in any situation, he will always keep you smiling.
Okay, so maybe country line dancing isn't his style... But watch this video. He's actually really good.
GGGIIIIIRRRRLLLLLL! YOU AIN'T EVER HAD ANYTHING LIKE THIS!
Hairball is the type of guy to bring you flowers every Monday. The type to build a picnic for you in the park. The type to have a great relationship with every member of your family. I could go on and on about all the romantic gestures he would do for you, but I don't want to spoil his surprises. *winky face* Just know, finding a man like this is nearly impossible.
True Story: Growing up, Hairball would take flowers to all the single/divorced/widowed old ladies that lived in his neighborhood. HOW FREAKIN SWEET!
There is nothing suspicious or creepy about Hairball. (If there was I wouldn't make this list) I just want to let you know, woman to woman, you have nothing to fear when Hairball is near.
Like I said. An all-around great guy.
No need to worry about cooking, allergic reactions, or learning his favorite foods. This man will eat anything.
Hairball isn't like any other guy - he's not the "Netflix and Chill" type that you need to avoid like the plague! Instead, he's an absolute keeper; he's husband material, so if you want a partner you can rely on, look no further! Hairball will love you with all his heart and soul - don't settle for anything less!
Here is a picture of Hairball as a baby, just in case you need more convincing.