Oh, you are so funny, Iowa Beef Industry Council.  And you are so dumb, Iowa Cattlemen's Association.  For first trying to come up with just 10 great burgers in Iowa.  And 2nd? Ignoring the Quad Cities completely on the 2019 list which was published by in The Des Moines Register...

Their list is as follows, but know that it is all wrong.

Since punching you dopes is now considered bullying, I'll just lay out my QC Top 10--from the top of my head, so you can see how dumb you all are.  My guess is every one I name heretofore will be better than the Saucy Focaccia burger in Cedar Rapids. Just saying what needed to be said.

First, so I don't confuse you geniuses at Iowa Beef, and Iowa Cattlemen, my first five will be from Iowa Quad Cities.  See, the Quad Cities is made up of 4 cities in two neighboring states.  I only mention that because based on your results, there isn't a mention of a burger within an hour and a half of us, so you must not know.  An hour and a half. Pfft.

1. Boozies.  I've never finished a burger from this long time burger master, because it's usually all dripping down my arms, and onto my lap.  Pizza Burger--do it.

2. Gunchies.  The Double bacon cheeseburger here is giant.  And so good they serve it with a knife stuck in the middle of it.  The knife isn't for you to cut the burger, it serves as an Ali-Baba like reminder to anyone who might think about trying to steal it.  After all it's the west-end we're talking here.

3. Tappa's.  I know--Jan and Cliff will talk your ears off about their steaks, but hit 'em up for lunch and you'll get the most tender, dripping, seasoned-to-perfection cheeseburger you could want. Doubt they have focaccia, though.  It's strictly meat and potatoes here.

4. Central Standard.  Jesus, have you seen these things?  It's like you order a burger and yesterday's brunch fell on top of it!  Not normally my style, but you can't deny those things are a BEAST!

5. Hawkeye Tap.  Whoops, Hawkeye Sports Bar and Grill.  Can't fool me with a name change--the burgers here are tavern legend.  Just a hint of bullion and any toppings you could think of.  Just be careful when Barry is there--he'll talk to you the whole time you're trying to eat!

Bam--That's five places and I wasn't even warmed up!  How about Caddy's, Mickey's, Riverview Roadhouse...don't even get me started on a Ross' burger---grrrr now you're making me mad!

Listen to our conversation from this morning. I'll explain it all to you.

Illinois' best coming up!