A few weeks ago my wife noticed something weird. She said "It sounds like the squirrels are having a party on the roof." I thought that to be an odd statement, but ok...

Just the other night she heard it again.

As I investigated I realized the sound wasn't on the roof, it was in our attic. Now, if I told my wife what I thought the sound was, she'd freak out!  So I just said "You're right, those squirrels must be throwing a crazy dance party tonight" and left it at that.  But I knew I needed to call critter control the next morning.

I've never had an unwanted animal problem before and didn't know who to call. Then I remembered one of our 'Up Yours' finalist was River Valley Wildlife Specialists. I reached out to Jason and Jess to investigate our sounds. Well as i suspected, it wasn't a squirrel dance party but a raccoon invader.

(Karamysh, ThinkStock)

If you've ever dealt with nuisance wildlife you've heard the "do you want us to relocate or use deadly force" speech. Now I don't care about this little guy at all. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure that these raccoons are the spawn of the mother that attacked my dog about 3 years ago. Deadly force is mandatory!


I'm thinking a scene out of Scarface would be best. "Say hello to my little friend!" Then there's a little rat-a-tatt-tatt, blam blam, and we zip up the raccoon body bags.

Well my vision of a Scarface scene differs from the way River Valley Wildlife Specialists do things. "Professional and Humane Removal" is the wording on their flyer. Well, I suppose that works too.

Anyway, no more late night raves on our roof honey!