How can one person make SO many bad decisions in such a short stretch of time?

There's a 40-year-old guy named Brian Couture in Forest Grove, Oregon. And back in March, he called 911 to report that someone had broken into his house, fought with him, and stole the $700 his daughter made selling Girl Scout Cookies.

Washington County Sheriff's Office

When the cops got there, the house was trashed and Brian was a bloody mess. They took him to the hospital and searched for the burglar, but couldn't find anyone.

And eventually, Brian confessed what really happened. It turns out he'd stolen his daughter's cookie money to pay for... wait for it... an erotic massage.

Then he staged the break-in and, I guess, beat himself up.

Anyway, he just took a plea deal. He pled guilty to initiating a false report and got 18 months of probation, 80 hours of community service, and a $100 fine.

Read more at The Oregonian.