Have You Ever Wondered What The First Dildo Looked Like?
Archaeologists may have found the only known lifesize Roman dildo, which was found in the ditches of what were the northernmost fringes of the empire, The Guardian reports.
Experts say the obvious phallus may not have necessarily been used for pleasure but could've been a penis-shaped pestle, or part of a statue people touched before they went out for good luck (good luck getting your wife on board with that one).
Check out the photo below, and tell us what you think it is.
Originally, the piece was documented as a darning tool used for holding the shape of whatever it was inserted into, possibly for shoes.
“I have to confess,” said Newcastle University archaeology senior lecturer Rob Collins, “part of me thinks it’s kind of self-evident that it is a penis. I don’t know who entered it into the catalog. Maybe it was somebody uncomfortable with it or didn’t think the Romans would do such silly things.”
What's known as the "Vindolanda phallus" is a little over 6 inches long, but was probably larger originally, because archaeological wood is prone to shrinkage and warping with age.
It has been examined by researchers at Newcastle University and University College Dublin, which they found the item to be the first known disembodied penis made of wood found in the Roman world.
Perhaps the reason the dildo was thought to be a darning tool was because of the context it was found - in a ditch with shoes, clothing, craft waste products, which explains why it was thought to be a darning tool.
“What makes this a first is that it is not a small, miniature phallus,” said Collins. “It’s lifesize. It’s also important because wood just doesn’t normally survive … we couldn’t find any parallels.”
The team of scientists settled on three theories in their research paper.
Theory 1
Big ol' dildo.
They noted in their analysis that it has "Notably smoother ends, indicating that it was used for something over a period of time." However, they say not to get too excited about it being a dildo.
“Sometimes they weren’t always used for pleasure … they can be implements of torture so I’m very conscious of using the term sex toy. Hopefully, that is what it was used for. That is the most exciting and intriguing possibility."
Theory 2
A Pestle.
Used for culinary purposes or grinding medicinal ingredients. The size would've been easy to use, and the handle sure fits in your hand just right.
Theory 3
The final theory was that this is a phallus, meant to be slotted into a statue which people passing by would grab and touch for good luck, or to absorb and activate protection from misfortune.
You're grabbing a dong for good luck.
Check out this thing, and let us know what your expertise thinks.
Like, that's a dick, right?
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