Years ago I signed up for a trial to a joke service. Every once in a while they'll send me their newsletter with some hilarious "jokes". Here's what they sent me for 4/20, the unofficial holiday of pot enthusiasts.

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Here they are, "The Top Reasons You Should Quit Smoking Pot":

  • You just realized you've been looking for your car keys since 1979.
  • It's ruining your, uh . . . what was I gonna say? Oh yeah: focus.
  • There's a better way to expand your mind called "education." Kidding.
  • Every time you hear a siren, you instinctively run to the bathroom and flush everything in your pockets down the toilet.
  • Ironically, because you inhale an entire peperoni pizza when you get the munchies, 420 is what you now weigh.
  • You want to see if you're still a Bernie Sanders supporter without it.
  • You've played so much "Call of Duty", you applied for V.A. benefits.
  • No one your age should still watch that much "SpongeBob".
  • Your house caught on fire and you told the firemen to chill out.
  • You listed rolling a joint and packing a bowl as skills on your resume.
  • You're making the other air traffic controllers really nervous.
  • Your daughters, Mary Jane and Ganga really want you to quit.
  • Even Willie Nelson thinks you have a problem.

See what I mean? Hilarious.