Newly-Discovered Insect Has 4 Penises, 414 Legs and, Boy, Don’t You Feel Inferior
Good luck finding pants for this guy.
Scientists working near caves in Sequoia National Park, California have uncovered an insect that has 414 legs, as well as four gonopods, which are legs that turn into penises. Yeah, four penises. And you thought you felt inferior changing for gym class. You just know that the quartet of units will convince some perv out there to offer one of the bugs a chance to do porn.
The insect in question is called the Illacme tobini, which just sounds like some douchey Italian guy with slicked-back in tight jeans that swoops in and steals the girl you've been chatting up at the bar all night. You may have have bought her three cosmos, but you, sir, don't have four penises and speak with a sexy accent that could get a nun to give up her vows.
The Illacme tobini is related to to the Illacme plenipes, which has 750 legs, the most among all insects. So, one has leg envy, while the other penis envy.
In addition to the four wieners, the Illacme tobini also has 200 poison glands, meaning it can provide the ultimate in pleasure and pain (sorry, tarantula hawk).