The Top Surprises in “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” [NO SPOILERS]

The newest installment of the "Star Wars" franchise is out this weekend. Here are the biggest surprises you'll see in "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story".

• When Darth Vader takes off his helmet, he puts on a "Make the Galaxy Great Again" baseball hat.
• It spends a lot of time on Jabba the Hutt's backstory as head of Fox News.
• There's a scene early on where you can actually see Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher having sex in the background.
• Jar Jar Binks launches a successful career giving anti-bullying speeches.
• The rebels are beaten to the Death Star map by Nicolas Cage.
• George Lucas interrupts a scene to tell the characters how he would've made them suck.
• Batman accuses Darth Vader of stealing his cape.
• Young R2-D2 is played by an 8-volt battery.
• At this point in his life, Darth Vader's ominous breathing is more of a light wheeze.
• It's not that bad.
• Halfway through it, George Lucas wanders on-screen and finally apologizes for the prequels.
• The good guys defeat the villain by giving him a cocktail prepared by Bill Cosby.
• The second hour is a gripping biopic on the life and times of Jar Jar Binks.
• The film closes with the Ewoks singing a delightful song about how 9/11 was a government conspiracy.
• The Rebels take a solemn vow to protect all of the galaxy's people. Except, of course, the French.
• Halfway through the movie, there's a tender lovemaking scene between Yoda and Jar Jar.
• The movie consists of 90 minutes of footage of billions of dollars being delivered to the home of George Lucas.
• Due to product placement by Pantene, fifteen minutes of the movie is Chewbacca getting his fur conditioned.
• Jabba the Hutt won't shut up for the whole movie about how he's on Jenny Craig.
• Darth Vader goes to Trump Tower to meet with Donald Trump about a cabinet position.
• It's a new movie in 2016 and Kevin Hart isn't in it.
• All the male cast members are trying to fight hair loss. Oh sorry, that's a surprise in "ROGAINE One: A Star Wars Story".