Don't get attacked.

 

This worked for Josh Hennessey in Florida, who last week told his girlfriend that he was attacked by a black bear when she asked why he was covered in blood and scrapes.  Josh, who just recently lost his MENSA accreditation, decided to tell his worried girlfriend a tiny little lie, which she then posted the pictures of on Fbook.

Well, then the news crew shows up, because in all the years they've been covering bear encounters at this location in FL. no one has EVER been attacked.  Now with a camera in his face, and a sympathetic audience to tell his story to, the attack gets more heroic.  Seems the bear grabbed his pant leg and began whipping him around until he was able to find his bearings, and repeatedly punch the bear until he gave up and went away.

Incredible story.  The neighbors, who have all seen bears in this trailer park before, had never heard of this, so while they were happy nobody died, none could concur that the bear had ever instigated contact.

Cue the wildlife agent:  He just comes in and says, "nope, no bear attack…he just fell."

I would rather have had the bear kill me than deal with the embarrassment.