Funeral Luncheon Food: The Best Of Times And The Worst Of Times

Sadly I spent Monday at a visitation and funeral for my wife's uncle. We weren't super-close, but my wife wanted to be there for her mom, and where she goes, I go.

Naturally since I'm not as invested as some of the other mourners there, I get to notice some things. Like the Pastor pulling out an harmonica in the middle of the eulogy and blowing some blues... weird, right?

So hold on to your hat. Everyone knows the real reason you go to a funeral is for the luncheon the church ladies put on afterwards. It's not for every funeral mind you, it's for members in good standing with the church. Uncle Ted was in GREAT standing with his church--for like 40 years.

The ladies put on the ritz. Ham and turkey mini-bun sandwiches. Bam! I could put together 50 different kinds of ham, turkey and buns, but never get the same awesome sandwich. But these ladies, with the help from heaven above--make magic. In the sandwich department.

But in the category of "go-withs?" Severely lacking. Get a recipe card for this next gem...I think it's in the category of "Sides." First, halve a slice of dark rye bread... maybe pumpernickel. It's just gotta be a little stale. Have a few loaves on hand--enough to make 100 slices. Then, lay out the slices on a table.

Next, Store-brand Cheez-Whiz--about 6 cans will do. Draw a line of 'Whiz' along one side of the bread as it faces up. Do this to all 100 pieces. Then, with a butter knife, spread the 'Whiz' along the face of the bread, doing your best to put a thin layer across the entire piece.

Next, and this is very important, take any, and I mean ANY chips that are laying around, and crunch them over the pieces of 'Whiz' covered bread...then serve. Now I know how Jesus was able to feed a thousand people with 2 freaking loaves of bread--he used this same recipe.

Folks had one bite, and politely said, "Oh, Im full!"