I never wear a tie at work.  Ever.  In fact, the only times you'll see me in a tie is if somebody: gets married, graduates, or dies.  That's it.  For those rare occasions, I have a youtube video bookmarked on my iPad.  It's called "How to tie a tie for beginners".  A little demeaning but, whatever. I even have the bookmark set that it starts :28 into the vid so I don't have to sit through his little commercial:

One listener has a picture of this diagram in his phone at all times:

(Imgur)

Another keeps his cub scout manual close by incase of a "tie emergency".  Tying a tie is a requirement for your Wolf badge in Cub Scouts.  I know…I'm an Eagle Scout.

Of course, you could just say "screw it" and get one of these zipper tie gizmos:

But, if you're like me and you're bound and determined to pick up a new life skill, why not let a hot blonde chicky babe in a tight tank top teach you?  Atta boy!
(WARNING!! I've watched this video 82 times and the pink top does NOT come off EVER.)