A Letter Written to My 1986 Self
I decided that just in case time travel became possible and I was dead by then, I would write a note to myself 30 years ago.
Dear 1986 me,
Dude, you are not gonna believe this. I'm sending this letter from the future, 2016 to be exact. So what's new? Well, Pluto is not a planet anymore, we have golf cart size robots driving all over Mars, and are pretty sure we'll find aliens soon. We keep a computer more powerful than anything you could ever dream of having access to in our pockets. It makes phone calls too, but nobody ever uses it for that unless they need bail money.
Oh, damn I almost forgot to tell you Prince is dead, Bill Cosby is probably going to prison for being a serial rapist, Donald Trump is the President and Arnold Schwarznegger and Jesse "The Body" Ventura have both been Governors. People watch this family in L.A. that got really famous because they like to screw rappers on video, and their mom is the guy who used to be on the Wheaties box.
Cars are fast again like in the 60s, but they get good gas mileage. I'm pretty sure that's some sort of witchcraft but we'll take it. Speaking of gas, we are still in the longest war in American history. I don't wanna bum ya out by telling you what started that.
Oh, if you could not go out drinking for a few days and save up some money, I would really recommend buying a few shares of stock in this company called Google. It seems silly, but it pretty much contains all human knowledge. We also have Wikipedia, which is a giant free encyclopedia that is written by regular people with no qualifications whatsoever. They'll ask you to donate money, but don't sweat it, somebody else will.
This is all on the internet which you no longer need to tie up the phone for hours on end. Speaking of the internet, you might want to throw some Natty Lights in the trunk and take a road trip to Massachusetts to find this guy named Mark Zuckerburg. He invents this thing called Facebook. It's pretty much like the Bible in colonial times. It is literally the only thing people read, and they believe anything it tells them without question. It will also be worth billions, so it's got that going for it. Also, no matter how tempted you may be, when one of your friends tells you to watch "Two Girls, One Cup," don't do it.
That's about it, oh wait! A black guy spent 8 years as president, I almost forgot, and weed is legal in half the country which is a pretty cool way to celebrate the CHICAGO CUBS winning the World Series... bet you didn't see that coming. As far as you go, by some miracle you manage not to destroy every brain cell (although you tried at those Grateful Dead shows, didn't ya?) and be a complete loser. You have a great career, a beautiful bride, two wonderful children, a nice house with a pool, and have had no major surgeries or STDs. Please get a little more exercise though, your knees and back are going downhill fast.
Love you man!