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Someone ranked presidential candidates by their usefulness in a bar fight. I thought that was a great way to look at life. It's probably somehow ingrained into our monkey brains anyway....

So I ranked the 97X staff .  Who I'd want with me in a bar fight...

#8-Sean (our weekender) has to be on the bottom of that list.  I don't think he's ever been mad in his life.  Just a mellow, nice dude.

#7-Dwyer.  That hair is a liability.  We've all see how long it takes to put that mane away.

#6-Mac.  Computer dudes don't fight.

#5-Goose.  He'd be useful in the sense that he could diffuse the situation with humor.  Plus, he's ex-Army dude, so he's got some tricks up his sleeve.

#4-Guy. No one's getting past Guy Perry.  He's a bad ass.  He'll pin you up against a wall and recite Tom Petty lyrics until you apologize & buy him a beer.

#3-Michaels.  He's gotta be a berserker.  He builds model trains.  A skill that requires a lot of patience and the inability to give a damn what others think.   A lot of rage there.

#2-Alyssa.  She's sweet, nice & little.  The perfect cover up for the intensity that would unleash in a nasty bar brawl.

#1-Klinger.  He's my number one pick because even if we didn't win...he'd flatten the dudes tires or follow them home and spell awful things on their lawn using grass killer. You want Klinger on your side.  Just trust me.

 

http://bitterempire.com/presidential-candidates-ranked-usefulness-bar-fight/